I guess I should update: the spotting I experienced was random spotting and not implantation bleeding. After the spotting, my period came two days late. I started back to work, and have been feeling really tired and having bad headaches. So, out of boredom and impatience, I decided to take a test. The test was positive. I was so excited and overcome with emotion. I went out to buy more tests - just to make sure. The other two tests were negative. So, the first test was a false positive.
On to another cycle of trying to conceive. Today is Sunday and I ovulated on Friday. We are honestly just trying to enjoy ourselves, and not over-do to the point where we feel like making sex is a chore. But I must confess that I can't help try to seduce my husband in trying to make it to the bedroom. He asked me yesterday why I wanted to get pregnant so badly and said that it seems that I wanted to because so many women are pregnant.... That really hurt me because he doesn't understand that my feelings are a woman's natural instincts. I do feel a sense of urgency because the egg doesn't last long after ovulation, and we can only try for a few days a month. I also feel a sense of urgency because I would like to get pregnant in the next months because of work - I would love to have the last month of school off and the summer at home with the baby. I will admit that pregnancy and a baby dominate my thoughts, dreams, and even my prayers. I haven't been so hung up on it since I started back to work at the beginning of the month.
I pray that God will allow us to conceive this month. I pray for that miracle to happen. I also pray for God's will to be done in our life and the child that I believe that we will conceive. I pray many times a day, but today was Sunday. Pastor Dan asks for those people who have a need in their life to raise their hand. I raised my hand, but I feel guilty to raise my hand, because God has met our every need and blessed with an abundance in many areas in our life. What I am praying for is not a need, it is something that I want desperately. I poured out my heart to God earlier and proclaimed my love for him. I will continue to praise and be faithful, even if we are never able to conceive.
