Let God's will be done

Well, the second month of trying to conceive came and went. I didn't have any luck. I have been seriously considering going back to school to pursue a doctorate in education.  It is a constant thought. I am considering going to a school that is about 50 miles away, so I would most likely have to commute a few days a week if they don't offer classes online. I am still debating which graduate school to apply to. I just bought some GRE preparation books to help prepare.  I've decided that we will try this month and maybe next month, and if I don't get pregnant then we will put the attempts of conception on hold. Perhaps it would be a good idea to complete at least some course work before I even think about conceiving.  So, if it happens, it happens, but I think I am going to focus on trying to lose some weight and getting into a good doctoral program.


My lack of patience is really seeming to get to me after my ovulation. I want to test every day the week before my period.  It's gotten better since I started back to work. I don't have time to sit around and  THINK about  being pregnant.
My husband's cousin just had a baby. We went to the hospital last week to see her new arrival. He is a cutie. My husband held a new born for the first time. It was heartwarming to see.


I think it's rather sad that I know so many women who are having epidurals, Cesarean's,  and who are formula feeding. I plan on delivering intervention (epidural, induction, and medication free). I would like to see more women educated on the topic. It seems like so many women think that they don't have any other options other than the ones the doctors suggest or recommend.

I only hope that I will be strong enough not to cave into options that I feel so strongly against.

Cycle 2

I guess I should update: the spotting I experienced was random spotting and not implantation bleeding. After the spotting, my period came two days late. I started back to work, and have been feeling really tired and having bad headaches. So, out of boredom and impatience, I decided to take a test. The test was positive. I was so excited and overcome with emotion. I went out to buy more tests - just to make sure. The other two tests were negative. So, the first test was a false positive.
On to another cycle of trying to conceive. Today is Sunday and I ovulated on Friday. We are honestly just trying to enjoy ourselves, and not over-do to the point where we feel like making sex is a chore. But I must confess that I can't help try to seduce my husband in trying to make it to the bedroom. He asked me yesterday why I wanted to get pregnant so badly and said that it seems that I wanted to because so many women are pregnant.... That really hurt me because he doesn't understand that my feelings are a woman's natural instincts. I do feel a sense of urgency because the egg doesn't last long after ovulation, and we can only try for a few days a month. I also feel a sense of urgency because I would like to get pregnant in the next months because of work - I would love to have the  last month of school off and the summer at home with the baby. I will admit that pregnancy and a baby dominate my thoughts, dreams, and even my prayers. I haven't been so hung up on it since I started back to work at the beginning of the month.
I pray that God will allow us to conceive this month. I pray for that miracle to happen. I also pray for God's will to be done in our life and the child that I believe that we will conceive. I pray many times a day, but today was Sunday. Pastor Dan asks for those people who have a need in their life to raise their hand. I raised my hand, but I feel guilty to raise my hand, because God has met our every need and blessed with an abundance in many areas in our life. What I am praying for is not a need, it is something that I want desperately.  I poured out my heart to God earlier and proclaimed my love for him. I will continue to praise and be faithful, even if we are never able to conceive.

1st Cycle Update

I ovulated last week, and wore my husband out. We went to church on Sunday and it was amazing service. The Holy Spirit swept through and made himself known in our place of worship. During that service, I prayed that God would help us to conceive - and that he would intercede if his will was for us to get pregnant this month.  After church I noticed that I was spotting, which is abnormal for me. My cycle's are almost like clock work, and I never spot in between cycles. I am hoping that it might be implantation bleeding - where the cells implant into the uterus. It could be the first sign of pregnancy. I told my husband and he seemed a little surprised. I guess neither one of us actually thought that we would conceive so soon. It's too soon to test, and the suspense is killing me. It's all that I can think about......I wonder how long after implantation the pregnancy test will become positive... I have read conflicting information online.

First Cycle

This week will be my first cycle that we will actually try to conceive. I am scheduled to ovulate on Thursday. I bought a few ovulation predictor tests and am contemplating using them this week. . I know that I can use a thermometer to help pin point the highest times of fertility. If I fail to conceive this month, I may start charting my temperature. I don't want conception to become a stressful event, perhaps the stress alone prevents people from conceiving. I love my husband, and I want our conception to be a representation of that love, not just a "job" that must be done in a short window of time.

I have been looking at various TTC (trying to conceive) pages on facebook. I noticed how many women take fertility medication after  not getting pregnant within a few months of trying. If I am unable to conceive, I know that is must be God's will. I will not rush into expensive hormones and medication. I must be patient. I must remember that God has already planned when I will conceive, and being impatient will not make that time come any sooner.

A friend from work told me to stand on my head after sex. She did  and ended up with twins. I don't about standing on my head.... My sister has 2 set of twins, so I believe that twins are highly likely for me. Hopefully, we only get pregnant with one bundle of joy.

http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=1193486167393577652

Pregnancy Discussion

I have been wanting to have children for the past few years. I wanted to become settled by finishing me undergraduate degree, finding a good job, buying a house,  and finishing my Master's degree. I have accomplished all of those things. We bought our house a year a half ago. My husband has also had been at his job almost a year. Being that I am a teacher, I would like to time the pregnancy around my job - I would like to have the baby in the spring because I would like to have the most amount of time at home with the baby as possible. So, the window of opportunity would be between June - October, preferably between July and August. I know it's selfish of me to think that I can plan a baby, but it's just a hope because I would like to spend time bonding with my baby.
The closer the time got, it seems like my husband and I would argue trying. We haven't done anything to prevent pregnancy after I decided to stop taking birth control in February of this year. After discussing and even arguing over the timing of pregnancy, he decided that we can try. He is nervous for all the right reasons. He is worried about the financial responsibility, and providing for an expanding family. He also worries about things that I feel are totally uncontrollable. He worries about the baby being born disabled, sick, or even dying. He worries constantly. Yes, these are things to fear and be concerned about, but I feel that we shouldn't let fear and anxiety control our future.
We presently live a pretty boring life. We have both completed school. We work, come home, cook dinner, watch a little TV or read, and then it's time for bed.  We both realize we need something else in our life. Jonathan has really grown to love Kylie, his cousin who is 2 years old. He enjoys spending time with her. Little ones are just such a joy to have around. He realizes that having a child will be enjoyable (in addition to hard work). So hopefully, we get pregnant this month or in the next few months.

Weekend Review

I saved $50 on Saturday at Publix with coupons and BOGO deals. I plan to detail my shopping trips on this blog starting sometime soon. I haven't been dedicated to couponing for the past two months because I have been so busy with work and school. In addition, I have been too lazy to stop at the store to buy a few newspapers. Over the past few months we have spent so much money eating out - slipping back into our old ways all because I haven't been dedicated to shopping and couponing. I refuse to add up all the money that I've spent over the last month. All it will do is make me even more depressed. So, I am not going to add it all up, but we will have to stop eating out, and start cooking. Hopefully, it will get easier because I am about to be out for the summer and I am almost done with my Masters. I will have completed all my classes by the end of the summer.

I originally made a plan to only spend $70 a week on groceries and limit eating out to once a week. Again, my goal is make this happen! I don't want to play the blame game when it comes to how we spend our money, because it boils down to eating out is convenient, we are lazy, and my husband complains about not liking the food we have at home or that I cook. He doesn't like half of what I cook. I do not cook pork. I rarely cook beef. We eat chicken and fish.(In an attempt to lower cholesterol and be healthier).  He hates the fish and gets tired of the chicken. He hates vegetables other than canned peas and asparagus. I love all different types of vegetables that are healthy and fresh, but when I cook them he leaves them off his plate. 

My husband has an anxiety disorder. He worries and complains constantly. I love him dearly, but I've gotten to the point that I cannot care about what he prefers or likes when it comes to food. I will cook healthier and include fresh fruits and vegetables. I will cook less carbs like mac & cheese, potatoes, and rice, even though I know that it's going to be hard - we are avid carb eaters : that's why we are so fat. :) I don't have the energy to try to talk him into eating different vegetables.  I will not wavier on going into town to eat out. I will not be seduced into going into town to get sweets. (We live about 12 miles from grocery stores and restaurants).

One reason that has prompted my sudden sternness when it comes to food and our budget is that I want to prepare for conception. I would like to have a baby next spring/summer and we will hopefully start trying to conceive later this summer. My goal is to lose at least 30 pounds before I get pregnant. I want to have an intervention-free water birth. To do so, I must remain healthy throughout the pregnancy. I don't want to have high blood pressure or gestational diabetes. I am significantly overweight, but I have faith that God has made w omen's bodies to birth children naturally - and that doesn't mean allowing medical professionals control my delivery or how and when I labor.  Losing the weight will be better for the pregnancy and better for my overall goal for the child birth that I have already planned.


 Tonight, I didn't consult Jonathan about what I was going to make for dinner. I grilled chicken with a new Garlic and Herb seasoning (McCormicks) and made grilled squash & onions, carrots, and potatoes. I had small portions of each and Jonathan ate the chicken with BBQ sauce and only ate potatoes. So much for fresh fruits and vegetables. It's already late and I need to get to bed. This is the last week of school with the students.

1st Blog

I enjoy following other people's blogs. There are so many things I would like to post and say, that may not be appropriate for Facebook - which means that I really don't want to post stuff on Facebook for friends and coworkers to read if they really aren't interested to do so. I find it rather annoying when people cuss, vent, and put random things on their status which I consider to be too much information. 

The only reason that I keep the Facebook is to keep in touch with people from high school and with family that lives out of town. Some people go a little over board with the status updates. I don't really care what you ate for dinner, where you are exercising, or your opinion on politics!!! The check in and out feature is too much. Only stalkers care where you are going every minute of the day!!! People should really get a hobby.  Like couponing, which could save them a lot of money).